WHY DO I DO WHAT I DO?

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

-Unknown

     Why do I do what I do? Such a weighted question. I'm not even sure what exactly it is that I "do".  I think I do what I do because I'm still not sure what I need to be doing. In order to "do" something, one must perform, execute, and complete an action or task. But I have no goal  in mind for my future, no task that needs completion. Sure I'd like to graduate college, start a career, and possibly way down the road start a family but those aren't things I've chosen to accomplish. I couldn't honestly tell you that I have sat down and wanted those things for myself- those things are just expected of me, and I'm growing to accept that.

      It's not my parents who forced me to accomplish those goals, it's not even one particular person's fault. It's our fault. Yes, that's right...o-u-r fault. You, me, and everyone else on this planet. I'm not accusing you of anything, or myself, I just find it incredibly troubling that each and every day we wake up having our choices already made for us. A predetermined life that we think we have control over, but we don't. From the time we're born our whole life has been planned for us. We learn to talk, walk, go to preschool when we turn five, and gradually advance our education until we're eighteen. When we finally become "adults" and magically mature enough between our last day of being seventeen and our eighteenth birthday to make our own life decisions, we don't even get to make any. We're expected to keep going, keep advancing and pursuing our dreams. What dreams? I haven't stopped working long enough to even think about what dreams I have for myself. I don't have time for that, I'm too busy going to college so I can accomplish my next task: getting a job. Maybe after four more years of a predetermined choice I'll actually get a job I enjoy. There's a thought. And then if I make enough income to support myself, and whatever family I do have at the time I'll have accomplished another goal. Hopefully I'll have saved enough money to send my kids to college and fund their education because that's what all "good" parents should do. Once they've graduated I'll probably have to continue working to pay it all off, but maybe if I'm lucky I'll be able to retire. That is if there is even enough money left for me to retire when I'm of age. I'm not going to get my hopes up.

     If a tree falls in the forest, does it make a sound? Only if someone is there to hear it. If I'm successful, does it matter? Only if someone is there to witness it.  That's the problem with our society, our life. Nothing matters unless everyone around us agrees that it is. Even if we choose to rebel against the life that's predetermined for us, it doesn't matter. We can be happy, and successful on our own terms but it doesn't mean anything unless there other people who recognize our accomplishments as "socially acceptable". Can we advance? Be successful? I wish I knew the answer. So, can we break free from this cycle? If we do, can we live and survive by today's standards? Unfortuantely I think the answer is no.

Sorry if I sound really pessimistic throughout this, I've just been thinking about it lately and as I wrote the more I thought about. Let me know what you think to all of these unanswered questions. Maybe we'll be able to discuss it further.

P.S. I'm definitely going to finish this, I've got so many ideas and thoughts to add. :)