WOBBLE

Literacy Narrative Treats

1/3 cup of immediate confusion

1    cup of horseback riding memories

1/4 cup of late nights revising

1/4 cup of procrastination

1   tbsp of lethargy

1     tsp of curiosity

1    cup of nostalgia

3   cups of fear of public speaking

1/2 cup of barely meeting deadlines

1    cup of learning

1/4 cup of feedback

1   tbsp of satisfaction

1 pinch of apples, oats, and carrots

- Bake at 95 degrees (just above comfortable)

- Let immediate confusion sit in a bowl for five minutes, slowly mix in horseback riding memories,and nostalgia. Let stand for another five minutes.

- In a separate bowl, mix immediate confusion, procrastination, lethargy, curiosity, and late nights revising. 

- Slowly pour second mixture into the first bowl, and blend well. Begin mixing in barely meeting deadlines, learning, and feedback.

- In a small bowl mix satisfaction, and fear of public speaking to create icing. Stir until it is smooth. Add a pinch of apples, oats, and carrots for flavor. Spread the icing on top of the batter.

- Bake at 95 degrees (just above comfortable) for exactly one minute.

         I would say that I have "Wobbled" most when writing/sharing my literacy narrative. At first, for some reason, it was extremely hard for me to understand the assignment, and I had an especially hard time trying to figure out what I was going to write about. In high school, I was constantly ridiculed for writing about horses for every assignment we were given. I was reluctant to write about them again, but I knew that this is what I was passionate about and what I would be able to write about the best. I felt really juvenile talking about growing up loving horses. I always write about it because it come more naturally to me. I am proud of what I have written but not enough to share my work to the class. Interestingly enough, I have no problem sharing my writings and ideas on my blog or on a Google document. Probably because I don't have to experience their reaction so closely. I felt really juvenile talking about growing up loving horses. I always write about it because it come more naturally to me. I really struggled when it came down to actually sharing my narrative though. I hate public speaking and I was so afraid that my peers would react the same way that my other classmates had throughout school. Luckily, they didn't and I was happy to finally get it over with. I'm definitely not confident sharing my work, but slowly I feel like I've come out of my shell with the help of this class. The blog has really helped me become more confident and less "wobbly" than I was before when it came to sharing my personal thoughts. I have a long road ahead of me though to become a more confident person in what I believe in and care about. So what now? Where do I go from here in search of that person? I continue to write, and think, and stand up for myself and hopefully along that road on the quest to find myself, I'll look back and realize I've been creating myself each step of the way and that I have been here all along.

 

 

LITERACY NARRATIVE

I actually had a very difficult time in the beginning trying to figure out what to write about. I wasn't exactly comprehending what the topic was implying I write about. After thinking and deliberating topics for a very long time, without success, I finally decided to write about what I knew best: horses. I've always had an interest in horseback riding and I knew writing about this topic would come naturally to me. However, throughout the revision process, I did hit a few road blocks. Revising your work, come to find, is actually fairly difficult. Writing on the note cards helped me tremendously at the beginning of the process to narrow down my ideas and it gave me a visual representation of what the revision process would look like on a smaller scale. I really benefited from the feedback that was given as well. I also prospered from the revision strategies homework given in class. I really tried to write my narrative as if I was speaking to an individual. I tried to depict things and describe them carefully and in detail, hopefully making the audience more comprehending to the somewhat abstract topic that they may be unfamiliar with. I also found that reading through my piece rapidly helped me identify areas that I needed to re-word and edit to create a more flowing piece.  I found that when it came down to actually sitting and revising my work I was often hit with writers block and I had difficulty understanding where exactly I should be going with my work. Should I make it abstract? Should I tell a true-life story? And what exactly is the significance of this piece and the message I am relaying? I knew that I liked writing in such a way that my audience felt like I was conversing with them and truly bringing them into the story. So, I aspired to write my narrative in such a way that readers could relate. Overall, I liked where I was going with the piece, but I feel like I really lost focus of where I wanted to be. At first I had a big misunderstanding about what exactly the assignment was, and once I finally realized I had written too much to start over. I began writing almost in an essay format, which is evidently not exactly what was expected of us. Looking back, I wish I had of taken more time to really understand and connect with the assignment, I feel that my narrative would have been much more successful. I'm happy with the way it turned out, however given more time and a better understanding from the beginning, I feel as if I would have been more satisfied with the overall outcome and more likely to feel confident enough to share it with the class. In retrospect, I really did enjoy this assignment, and it truly taught me how important revision and though process are to the success of an writing.

ETHNOGRAPHY.

      At first, it was very difficult to figure out what to write about for the Ethnography project. Quotes and Messages is somewhat of an abstract topic to begin, and focusing on researching that topic on campus and in our lives was a challenging task. Once my group and I took images of quotes we found around campus and collaborated our images into a power point, our project began to take form. After conferencing with Lacy, we were able to revise our work and confidently finalize our project. Working in a collaborative group was challenging at first, because it was difficult to coordinate times to work on the projects and decide on a format. After some time, I found that working with a collaborative group benefited the project as a whole and brought many different perspectives into our work. I thoroughly enjoyed not writing a traditional essay piece. This project left much room for individuality, creativity, and gave us a chance to bring many differing ideas and collaborate it successfully into a presentation. I liked having the freedom to express our ideas, and thoughts, without writing a formal essay. Overall, I really liked the process used as a class to come up with the particular topics, and the cumulative ideas brought together to create a shareable unique project.

TRAIL.

TRAIL.

A horseshoe is a reflection. If the road is new, history is found above. Keep flying amongst the morning lilies and leave some breadcrumbs. The truth will shine. It is summer.


Writing like Gertrude Stein is very difficult...I suppose that the concept is so easy which in return makes it hard. I tried to keep a story in my head but writing it down as abstract and strangely as I possibly could. How do you interpret this?

TIME

                                       

 Time is making fools of us again.  

~J.K. Rowling

     I think one of the hardest things in life is learning when to let go. The unknown is so scary.
How do you know you won't leave something great behind, and how do you know something better might come along tomorrow? You don't, I don't. And I wish I did. Life would be easier. Unfortunately, life isn't supposed to be easy. It's suppose to be hard, but worth it in the end. I wish it would be worth it now. And I wish I knew when and how time would heal everything.

     Time is a crazy concept. Technically, time doesn't exist just clocks. We created it to organize ourselves. To live our lives by a set time. It's really rather sad. Having our whole lives planned down to the second. I mean, where's the adventure in that?  It's just there to have something constant between everyone. I'm not sure if I agree with time.

So if we have the power to create time, can we destroy it? What will come of this? Can life go on as we know it and will everyone's questions be answered?

ANNOTATED BIBLIOGRAPHY

"It's a twin thing...." It's a twin thing.... N.p., 11 May 2012. Web. 5 Nov. 2012. <http://stringofhearts.tumblr.com/post/35098118938>.

               I saw this image on my Tumblr and I thought it really greatly pertained to my topic of quotes and messages. Sometimes it's the quotes that are least expected to be seen that resonate with us most. Little signs and motivations that inspire and intrigue us through out the day are the ones that I find most provoking. These quotes help people throughout their day as little reminders and little messages to guide them and bring them through.

Interview

      I plan to conduct and interview with a current UNCC student. I plan to ask how unforeseen quotes and messages seen daily throughout their lives on campus effect them, and what type of effect that it has on them. I feel that it is imperative that I get a perspective from another student about the impact of quotes and messages, and if they truly make a difference in someone's perspective and day. And if so, what they believe their experiences would be like without them.

Armstrong, Olivia. "Quotes." Quote Diary 1 (2011): 500. Print. 
   
     I have a quote "diary" that I carry around with me and consistently add quotes that I hear throughout the day into. I love when I hear a quote in casual conversation that I haven't heard before. When I look back through my diary I can instantly remember where I heard the quote and why is resonated with me. As you read through the diary you can tell what my emotions and thoughts are in a way because the quotes reflect my inner turmoil and I'm more apt to pick up on quotes that I hear that I can relate to at that given time.

SIGN

Why can't things be easy?                         
                                              I have so many things going on in my life that I need answers to.
                 I'm sure that we all do.                                         

But seriously, why can't someone just send me a letter or give me an obvious sign saying
                                                  

                                                                               "THIS IS WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO"

Why?
           I would be so much happier.
                                Decisions are half my problem in life.
                                                  Because I can't make them.
                                                         And I've lost so much because of it.
                                                              I'm missing out on things.
                                                                 And losing the things I had.
                                                              Why can't someone just tell me what to do.
                                                         Because I'm so lost.
                                                   And I need some direction, just to get me going again.
                                  Just a little push in the right direction is all I need.
            I don't want to be stuck any longer in fear of making the wrong decision.

Just someone, please, tell me what to do.

I know you can't, but maybe if I ask, I'll somehow be led down a path and look back only to realize I was capable of making my own decision,
                                                                                      the right one.

MINDSET

I don't think people realize how much power they have.
You have the power to do anything, see anything, feel anything.
Don't blame other people for your emotions and actions.
They can only influence you.
They can't change you.
And they certainly can't make you.
So why do people blame others for their actions?
Because it's just easier than blaming yourself, knowing that the only way things will change is if you   decide to change them?
Shame on you for thinking that.
Own up to what you've done.
Take responsibility.
And handle it yourself.
Because really, you are the only one that can.
And I can't do it for you.

ETHNOGRAPHY

              Quotes & Messages

           

There is clear difference is the air from the first time I sat at the Bell Tower and the last. Crunchy red leaves are falling and piling around campus, swirling in the wind as students commute to class. The grass is dull, and the bushes are beginning to thin, a clear message that fall has begun. Cold, and sharp, the wind fiercely gusts around me. I notice that the people walking by have started to dress in bulky layers, and the odd few pass still dressed in shorts and flip flops, unable to let go of the idea that it will warm up again. Unfortunately, as these shivering individuals pass by, I reminded with each icy blast of wind that things will only get colder. The air about campus has drastically changed. Gone is the free-spirited, care-free essence that summer brought out in us all. Now, a sharpness, more focused atmosphere has fallen over campus. Some see fall as a bad thing, but I prefer say that things are just falling in place...or so I hope. People continue to rush by, and almost everyone is carrying a white cup full of Starbucks coffee, now well equipped for the weather. Vote early posters and campaigns adorn the lawn, and pamphlets are being passed out. Some people pass by, too focused on the latest text message, e-mail, or media update to notice the happenings going on around them. People walk by with their portfolios decorated with stickers, and slogans. Just as some people have chosen to adorn their book bag with political, humorous, and thought-provoking quotes. It is clear as I sit in one of the most central places in campus, there are quotes, messages, and interpretations to be seen.

SMALL THINGS

 Bell Tower

On my commute to class each day I pass the Bell Tower. I usually breeze by, in a rush to get to class. But on this particular day I decided to stop and absorb what was going on around me that I normally pass by. As I stood there, looking around, a glimpse of white caught my eye and I looked down to see what it may be. Someone had spray painted "appreciate the small things" on the walkway surrounding the tower. The text is rather small, and easy to overlook, but I suppose that's the point. It almost fell like a "sign" if you will, seeing this as I was absorbing life going on around me. It was exactly was I was trying to do - appreciate the smaller things in life. I observed friends, colleagues, and professors walking in groups conversing about things going on in each others life. Some were relaxing, and sun bathing listening to their iPod's perched upon the base of the Bell Tower, a few by themselves gazing up at the clear blue sky. Perhaps they were doing the same thing I was...soaking it all in. Sometimes if you don't stop once in awhile, life will pass you by I soon realized. I saw political posters staked across the lawn for the upcoming election (which I haven't really educated myself on like I should), and free passes to local clubs strewn across the pavement. Couples walked hand in hand, each pair making a story for themselves. There was so much opportunity, and every step was down a different path, and I found that if I didn't stop and think about the choice I make, the people I interact with, or even stop to read the little spray painted signs I see I might miss my chance to become the best possible me. As I stood, transfixed by how much I overlooked in my everyday life, the Bell Tower began to ring and I was instantly thrown back into my routine. But this time with a new appreciation for the smaller things in life and that each detail overlooked may just be an opportunity missed.

LOST

"It amazes me sometimes that even intelligent people will analyze a situation or make a judgement after only recognizing the standard or traditional structure of a piece."
-David Bowie

Sometimes I wish that we didn't have to explain ourselves. We could just feel, do, be as happy as we please. I wish that I could just be. And that I could figure things out for myself, without everyone blatantly or subliminally forcing their opinions into my mind. Even if someone doesn't say anything, it's written across their face and I can easily read it. Why can't they just stop? Leave me alone. Let me be. Let me LIVE. In due course of time, I'll figure out what needs to be figured out, and until then let my happiness continue regardless of what you see, or interpret. You see, that's the problem. People see what they want to see, but they don't know everything. They run with one little perception and blow it into something that it isn't. It's a lot like the part of our memory that makes up a story between point "A" and "B" when we can't remember it. You see one thing and think that that makes something else. Feeling, relationships, and life aren't concrete. There are no right and wrong answers. So why does everyone feel the need to make me feel like there is? Life is just perception anyways. You can't get it wrong. Sure going against the "norm" is considered wrong, only because the majority of society doesn't go against it. Doesn't mean it's wrong, it's just a different perception. That's the beauty of life, and learning. I see one thing and you see another. It's how we learn and grow. Can mistakes be made? Not really. So why can't I just put my whole heart and soul into something, if it makes ME happy? I perceive this is such a way that I feel complete. Is that wrong? I think it's wrong of you to analyze the outside before completely understanding the inside. It's a shame that people do that, and ruin it for those who are, or were happy. You see now it's too late to feel that again. At least, for me. And it's too late to do anything about it. I'm too late thinking about this, too late becoming more independent, and too late realizing that I was happy, regardless of others opinions. Too late. So what now? Continue on hoping to find happiness that is "accepted"? Or try again at the one thing that made you feel complete?
I wish I knew.
I do know.
But I won't do it.

ADVENTURES

For my English 1101 class, we were assigned to meet with our writing group at Atkins Library and find a text that would assist us in the development of our literacy narrative project.The day seemed like it would be very dismal, it had been storming all night and continued up until the time we were scheduled to meet at the library. I woke up really late and had to drive to the library in order to make it on time. Once we had all arrived safely we walked into the doors of the library and our adventures began.

After aimlessly walking around overwhelmed by the sheer size of the library, we soon realized that books could be searched for on the computers located at the front desk. Christopher and I began searching for books that would aid in the creation of our entire writing group's personal literacy narratives while De Shaun and Tanner wrote down the call numbers for the possible books. At first I thought the assignment was to find  individual books that would relate to our narrative, but Tanner quickly informed me that it was a singular text that we were all to share. Christopher quickly came up with the idea that we should use The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain.

The call number for the book was very confusing and much different that the system we learned in high school. We ended up looking for the book on the second floor, and soon realized that we were making a huge mistake. This floor was full of textbooks and texts that teachers would be searching for. We walked back downstairs and asked the librarian for assistance. She looked for the book on her computer and proceeded to tell us that the particular book was located on the fifth floor in the juvenile section.

The elevator was very scary and small. Before this assignment I wasn't even aware that Atkins Library had more than four floors! I soon found that it actually has ten. When we reached the fifth floor we were overcome by the quietness and stillness of the room. The views were breathtaking, but it was so small in respect the floors below. The aisles of books were very tight, but clearly marked and we had no trouble finding our book.

After reading a few pages of the book, and reading the preface and covers we began writing in our day books for the assigned five minute writing.

LOVE

"Before you can grow up, you must fall in love three times. Once, you must fall in love with your best friend, ruining your friendship forever. This will teach you who your true friends are, and the fine line between friendship and more. Once you must fall in love with someone you believe is perfect. You will learn that no one is perfect, and that you should never be treated as anything less than you deserve. And once, you must fall in love with someone that is exactly like you. This will teach you about who you are, and who you want to be. And when you’re through with all that, you learn that the people who care about you the most are the ones that you hurt, and the ones that hurt you are the ones that needed you the most. But most of all, you learn that love is only a concept and is not something that can be defined, it is different to each and every person on this earth, knowing that everyone only wants to be loved."

I saw this quote the other day, and I was completely blown away. I'm not even sure how to respond or write about this, I just knew I definitely wanted to share this with you.

It's honestly one of the best quotes I've read. It gives you hope, makes you look back on things with a smile in your heart, and know that everything is happening for a reason. I suppose that all things in life are merely perception, but for some reason I feel as if this quote can resonate with everyone. It's not about the downside of love, or the bright side. But merely the true essence, that love is a lesson and that each person will share something unique with you. Some love quotes leave you sad, or reminiscent, but for me this quote gives me hope for the future that someday we'll all figure ourselves out and live a happy life in any direction we go, knowing that we've learned valuable lessons along the way and that there are still many more to learn.

BREATHE

If you do not breathe through writing, if you do not cry out in writing, or sing in writing, then don't write, because our culture has no use for it.

Anais Nin 

    Sigh. Look at huge building. Sigh. Walk inside. Overwhelmed. Can't find other group members. Didn't write my paragraph anyway. Don't like health class anyway.Sit down. Boring. Walk around and observe the display cases. Where are all the books? Thought it was only three floors. Ground floor doesn't count. Weird. Four floors. Continue walking around aimlessly. Hope group members don't show up. Please. "Hey!". Sigh. Group member shows up. Tell them work isn't done. Neither is theirs. Sigh. Project is going nowhere. Due next week. It's a presentation. I hate public speaking. Must be memorized. Counts as midterm. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. College is overwhelming. So much to do. So little time. So hard to focus. I made a rhyme. Sigh. Third group member shows up with nothing to contribute. Great. People talk too loud in library. Should be quiet. Walk away and attempt to be productive. Facebook. Tumblr. Other homework that just gets stared at. No productivity. The usual. It's Friday, my brain isn't working. Sigh. Should probably do it now while I have the time. It's the thought that counts. Seriously so much to do. Don't want to do it. Have to do it. Why. Open blog. Sigh. Mental break. Finally. Even though it wasn't working that hard in the first place. Sigh. Writer's block. Sigh. It's so nice outside. Sigh. Attention span of a squirrel. Sigh. Don't have to think, just feel and write. Begin writing. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh.



                                                                                                                    Breathe.

WHY DO I DO WHAT I DO?

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

-Unknown

     Why do I do what I do? Such a weighted question. I'm not even sure what exactly it is that I "do".  I think I do what I do because I'm still not sure what I need to be doing. In order to "do" something, one must perform, execute, and complete an action or task. But I have no goal  in mind for my future, no task that needs completion. Sure I'd like to graduate college, start a career, and possibly way down the road start a family but those aren't things I've chosen to accomplish. I couldn't honestly tell you that I have sat down and wanted those things for myself- those things are just expected of me, and I'm growing to accept that.

      It's not my parents who forced me to accomplish those goals, it's not even one particular person's fault. It's our fault. Yes, that's right...o-u-r fault. You, me, and everyone else on this planet. I'm not accusing you of anything, or myself, I just find it incredibly troubling that each and every day we wake up having our choices already made for us. A predetermined life that we think we have control over, but we don't. From the time we're born our whole life has been planned for us. We learn to talk, walk, go to preschool when we turn five, and gradually advance our education until we're eighteen. When we finally become "adults" and magically mature enough between our last day of being seventeen and our eighteenth birthday to make our own life decisions, we don't even get to make any. We're expected to keep going, keep advancing and pursuing our dreams. What dreams? I haven't stopped working long enough to even think about what dreams I have for myself. I don't have time for that, I'm too busy going to college so I can accomplish my next task: getting a job. Maybe after four more years of a predetermined choice I'll actually get a job I enjoy. There's a thought. And then if I make enough income to support myself, and whatever family I do have at the time I'll have accomplished another goal. Hopefully I'll have saved enough money to send my kids to college and fund their education because that's what all "good" parents should do. Once they've graduated I'll probably have to continue working to pay it all off, but maybe if I'm lucky I'll be able to retire. That is if there is even enough money left for me to retire when I'm of age. I'm not going to get my hopes up.

     If a tree falls in the forest, does it make a sound? Only if someone is there to hear it. If I'm successful, does it matter? Only if someone is there to witness it.  That's the problem with our society, our life. Nothing matters unless everyone around us agrees that it is. Even if we choose to rebel against the life that's predetermined for us, it doesn't matter. We can be happy, and successful on our own terms but it doesn't mean anything unless there other people who recognize our accomplishments as "socially acceptable". Can we advance? Be successful? I wish I knew the answer. So, can we break free from this cycle? If we do, can we live and survive by today's standards? Unfortuantely I think the answer is no.

Sorry if I sound really pessimistic throughout this, I've just been thinking about it lately and as I wrote the more I thought about. Let me know what you think to all of these unanswered questions. Maybe we'll be able to discuss it further.

P.S. I'm definitely going to finish this, I've got so many ideas and thoughts to add. :)

REFLECTIONS

Sometimes I wish I were a little kid again, skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts. 

 -Unknown

             I know, I know. You pretty much expected every girl in this class to write about heartbreak at least once over the course of the semester. I was going to spare you the agony of listening to another love story gone wrong, but then I decided not to. Sometimes it's better to just let things out instead of holding onto them...maybe? I hope so. This is the first time, and probably not the last time I'm going to write about this, so bear with me. And don't worry, I'm not some emotionally unstable teenager who you should seriously worried about, I promise:) I think we're all going through this phase of rediscovering and redefining ourselves and some of us have just been hit with a lot of changes all at once. You can probably gather from my last post that I am. But being the positive person that I am, I'm really not seeing this whole "break-up" in a negative way, or letting it effect me in a way that most people might. Quite honestly I'm at peace with it. I think the struggle for me is learning how to let go of the idea that maybe, someday things will be as wonderful as they were at the first. Deep down I know that they won't be, but it's just hard to accept that.

            So you're probably wondering what the hell happened. To be quite honest, so am I. 
I guess it's true when they say love is blind. I was blind to a lot of things, or maybe not. I like to think not, but the longer this drags out the more I think I was. I'm pretty positive that my problem is that I continue to see the good in people regardless of what they have said or done regardless of how harsh, controlling, or spiteful their words may be. It's one of my best and worst qualities. Good in such a way that I always see the best in everyone, bad in the sense that the fine line between seeing the good and being a pushover is often blurred.

9-7-12

I started writing that yesterday. But my thoughts and feeling about that have somewhat been shut off. I'll finish this when I feel it's the right thing to do. Don't worry it's not the last time we'll talk about this. Sorry for the suspense!

Olivia

FREE OF THE PAST

       "What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now."

     - Unknown

       This is so different than I imagined it being. The thought of living on my own, and being completely responsible for myself in every aspect of life from now on is such a daunting thought-and now a reality. The whole summer and even the past eighteen years I've been preparing for this "someday" and now that I'm finally facing it head on I'm not even sure if I'm ready. 
       It's been two weeks and it still hasn't hit me yet that I'm in college. Away. Alone. Responsible. I thought things would change as far as my personality and actions. Like a switch would go off and I'd magically be a different person. Hopefully more spontaneous and outgoing-but nothing has changed. It's frustrating to hear my mother constantly shove the idea that I need to change and date as many people as humanly possible to "experience all life has to offer" and to ensure that I never "settle". But what if I'm happy? I don't have to take the same path as her to end up at the same destination in life. She has good intentions, and I don't have the heart to defy her wishes. But I don't have the desire to date other people, much less party or do all the other things kids my age are doing. It's just not who I am. I wish she would accept that and see that I am happy and very content with the choices I've made throughout my life.
      I am changing, just on my own terms. I'm slowly learning that I am in control of my life, and even though everyone has an opinion on how I should life my life, it's up to me to do it. It's a shame that I've been so busy trying to be what everyone else wants me to be that I don't know who I am. At the end of the day I have to life with the decisions I make and the people I choose to surround myself with. It's hard to just get up one day and tell yourself it's OK to make your own decisions, but I know it's going to be worth it. Even thought it's easier to follow in the footsteps of others, being a leader has the greatest reward. So here's to my new life, new ways, and new self.